


Roomba Minions

by Bonnie131313



Category: Person of Interest (TV)
Genre: Crack, Implied Relationships, M/M, Roombas, Silly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-01
Updated: 2016-01-02
Packaged: 2018-05-10 19:52:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5598736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bonnie131313/pseuds/Bonnie131313
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Root has the Roombas programed to do her bidding.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Roombas](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5591803) by [Zoi no miko (zoi_no_miko)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/zoi_no_miko/pseuds/Zoi%20no%20miko). 



> Inspired by the lovely and talented Zoi no Miko. Thanks for encouraging me to play with your toys.

Harold had attempted to stay out of what he liked to term ‘childish wrangling’. He wasn’t having much luck. He, Ms. Shaw and Bear had been quietly occupied in the subway car. He’d been researching some new wireless camera prototypes, Bear had been gnawing on his rawhide chew and Ms. Shaw had been honing a disturbingly large collection of knives when John had come storming out of the lavatory red faced and fuming.

“Where is she?” He’d demanded. He’d exchanged a glance at Ms. Shaw who apparently was not the ‘she’ in question.

“I haven’t seen Ms. Groves today.” Harold assured the other man.

“What’d Root do now?” Shaw asks casually.

“Those goddamned Roombas.” Reese is pacing. “I’m going to shoot the next one she sics on me.”

“Did another one attack your ankle?” Harold asks with a sigh.

“It snuck in and took a picture of me taking a piss.” John complained. He was not soothed by Shaw's laugh.

Harold had a lot more experience keeping a straight face. “I’ll speak with her the next time I see her.” He promised John. “Why don’t you take Bear for a walk? Some fresh air will do you both good.”

After John and Bear had left for the park and Shaw had gone back to her weapons, Harold sent an IM to Root.

**Was that really necessary?**

_Just curious._  She replied a bare second later.

**?**

_You’re a lucky man, Harry_


	2. Valentine Roombas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the Roombas celebrate Valentine's Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the_ragnarok commented - "I'm sorry but I now require roombas with fluffy wings on their backs"

Harold Finch is aware of the human tendency to anthropomorphize inanimate objects. He has always tried to avoid doing it himself. He does not name his cell phone, have a sentimental attachment to his laptop or talk to his microwave. He is aware Ms. Grove does exactly the opposite. 

This is brought home one morning in February when he limps into the abandoned subway station to discover the Roombas have been adorned with fluffy little wings and armed with pink crossbows.

He watches in bemusement when A-ko (when had he started to be able to differentiate between three identical machines?) peels off from cleaning the platform, zooms over to circle him twice before bumping into his foot in what he imagines Root considers a friendly manner.

“What the hell?”

Finch turns to see John Reese standing at the entrance watching the small machine warily.

“I believe Ms. Groves is celebrating Valentine’s Day.” Harold informs him. A-ko gives a little beep and chugs across the floor to greet John.

John stares down at the bedecked vacuum cleaner. Before he can say anything, there is a rather alarming popping sound and John is covered in pink glitter.

A-ko whistles and retreats to safety before John can react.

“I’m going to kill her.” John announces grimly before stamping off to the lavatory.

Harold sighs and goes to retrieve clean clothes for John. He is so not looking forward to St. Patrick’s Day.


	3. Don't mess with the Roombas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Roombas prove their worth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's some blood and off-screen violence if that bothers anyone.

Freddie likes to consider himself a businessman. People are willing to pay for information and he’s good at finding things out. When he hears that some group of movers and shakers are willing to pay beaucoup bucks for information about the HQ of some weird group of people, Freddie decides to see what he can find out.

To his annoyance, it’s harder than he thought. Of course it’s a big city and there are lots of ways to hide, but it shouldn’t be this hard, not for him anyhow. After running down dozens of false leads, Freddie thinks he might actually have the right people. He waits patiently while some old guy with a limp and a dog slip out of the door leading to a closed down subway station and walk away. 

Freddie’s been watching the place for a couple of days now and he’s pretty sure no one’s in there now. Time to see if he’s finally found the right place.

Freddie’s had a diverse career path. Before he decided to become an information broker he did a little B&E. He’s out of practice but the lock’s nothing special. He manages to get the door open in a reasonable amount of time and slips inside. No obvious cameras or alarms, which makes sense. Nobody’s going to bother with a deserted subway station except a bum or two looking for a warm place to sleep and the lock’s good enough to keep them out.

Freddie knows that no one’s going to pay unless he can prove this is the right place, so he starts poking around. Nothing obvious up top, he hops the turnstile and heads down to the train platform. It’s clean, warm and obviously in use. Hell, there’s even a subway car sitting there and it looks like something’s in there.

Intent on his goal, Freddie doesn’t notice the trio of tiny disc shaped machines moving toward him almost silently.

John and Lionel are just finishing up their shift when they spot the collection of police cars gathered uncomfortably close to the deserted subway station they’d been using.as otheir hideout.

“Hey, Husselbeck.” Lionel rolls down the window and calls to the young officer in charge.

“Hey, Fusco, Reilly.” The young man leaves off contemplating the sidewalk and comes over to the car. “What’s up?”

“That’s what we were gonna ask you.” Lionel manages to sound casual. “We were heading back when we saw the lights.”

“Somebody tried to kill Freddie ‘The Snitch’ Forenski.” Hasselbeck explains. “I figure they must have done it elsewhere and dumped him here, not enough blood and no trail.”

“Yeah?” Lionel looks thoughtful. “Couldn’t happen to a nicer guy. What’s they do? Shoot him?”

“Tried to cut off his feet with knives.” The young officer tells them. “Cut him right to the bone. He lost lots of blood. The EMTs weren’t very hopeful he’ll make it.”

“The feet, that’s odd.” John comments softly.

“Yeah, I’ve never seen anything like it.”

“Freddie didn’t mention who cut him?” Fusco asks. The young officer laughs.

“Yeah, he said he was attacked by Roombas.” 

John and Lionel exchange glances. 

“Roombas? Those little vacuum cleaner things?” Fusco asks.

“Yeah,” Hasselbeck shakes his head. “Either the blood loss got to him or he was taking something.”

“Must be,” Lionel glance over at John. “Well, we’ll leave you to it.”

"Have a good night.” Hasselbeck waves them away before turning back to the crime scene team.

“Lionel,” John rasps softly.

“I’m gonna circle around and we can sneak in through the alley.” Fusco tells him.

They are both on edge with their guns drawn as they make their way down to the platform. However, when they get there, everything seems serene.

“I don’t see any blood.” Fusco says running his eyes over the floor. John goes over to the Roomba charging station.

“Lionel,” He calls. The other man comes over and stares. The floor is pristine but the knives Root had taped to the Roombas are covered in gore and the machines themselves are splattered with blood.

“Shit.” Lionel stares. “I don’t believe this.”

“You know,” John says softly. “I’m starting to like the little guys.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know it's totally implausible and Roombas can't do this. I'm just having too much fun to care.


End file.
